Saturday, December 02, 2006

Porn Spam E-Mail Heaven



November Spawned A Monster
November was "poetry month", I'll post more sappy observations in the future, now we go back to "goofing-off month". The above image was drawn as a 'Thank You' note to a MySpace friend.


Spammin' The Monkey
I've been fighting an avalanche of porn spam and junk mail, I realize this is a war I can't fucking win. Over the years I've created several e-mail aliases for different purposes, and they're out there, being collected by the "bots", which means my inbox is under relentless attack on a daily basis. No matter how many filters and rules I put into effect, spam just keeps on sneaking through and piling up computer-ceiling high. This stuff has to be effective , I mean, there must be tons of stupid idiots out there who fall for these scams, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.

Even though I hate spam with a passion, I have to admit that once in a while I get a kick out of some of the wording used in the subject fields. I've collected my favorite spam messages which I'm proud to post here for your viewing pleasure, these are real and un-edited email headings:



If you ever write to me, I beg of you never to use the phrases: "Hi Alberto" or "How's it Going, man?" or "Blonde Housewife Being Fucked by Four Cocks", because they will not reach me.

. . . Well, I might open the "Blonde Wife" one...
. . .four cocks?. . is that even possible?. . .I've heard of people having sex with farm animals, but roosters??!!
. . .I gotta see that!



Abrazos,
-Alberto

34 comments:

Bobby Chiu said...

Hi Alberto, how's it goin man? hahaha... too funny.

Process Junkie said...

Yeah, very funny >:(

Dr 4est said...

I don't know what you're talking about man. I got some great dickpills via a stock tip about some herbal weightloss pheremone that attracts women and delivers big paydays in several online casinos. I'm still waiting for my free ipod, xbox, laptop, car, house, and land title deed for the nation of Iceland.

Seriously though, I was planning on driving to the seattle show just so I could FINALLY buy you the beer I've been promising for so long. Now you say you're going to have something to give me? Holy Crap pants! You spoil me dude.

-Forest

Léo Teixeira said...

the best blog!!!Congratulations!!!

COMIKXGUY said...

yeah, very funny >:(

i'm with you on this one alberto, i keep getting stock info sent to my bulk mail and sometimes to my inbox but i just mark them as spam and edit my bulk mail

but still those are amusing and dr 4est, good one :)

missed the la con too, that sucks as well

UrbanBarbarian said...

I've been sending my junk mail to your mail box. My bad.

BTW, that illustration has an old classic feel to it. Looks like something from the 20's or 30's!

Process Junkie said...

Dr 4est: I can use that beer :)

urbanbarbarella, Comixguy: Thank you, ladies! I'll see you both in LA next year for sure.

Oscar Grillo said...

Sit back and enjoy them. Junkie...Today I received the traditional request from Africa asking for the number of my bank account to deposit 25 million dollars. This time was signed by Andrew O. Kajeta and you know very well what a "cajeta" is in Argentinian.
I suppose you also know that there is another great African leader named
General Paul Kagame.
Salute!

FrogDaddy said...

"make your fat friends envy you"
that's sick....
good thing I only hang out with Kate Moss
and Babyshambles

FrogDaddy said...

by the way alberto...
i reopened your blog while I was typing the last comment and Roland Gift from FYC was singing
"I'm Not The Man I Used To Be" over the" Music to Watch Girls Go By" and they friggin' synched
perfectly! It was like cyber mash up in your
radio blog! i'm gonna go smoke some more now...

Process Junkie said...

FrogDaddy: Shit! Try as I might I can't make them match! hmmm...I wonder.

BTW, Nice avatar! looking very Irish and elegant. Is the green background intentional?

Oscar: Heh, heh! Yes, I've heard of those two fine gentlemen.

I've also been approached by the widow of the deposed General Zopenko Komequandoay, does the name ring a bell?

:)

Rebekit said...

I like the sketch

Oscar Grillo said...

Yes...Ring bells indeed! Just like the other famous leader Sakamelá Omekago.

Process Junkie said...

HA, HA, HAHA!! You kill me!

How 'bout the japanese prime minister Tesula Elkulito?
or his chief of staff Mituko Sakakaka? Both were war heroes if I'm not mistaken.

(I'm back in grammar school).

marcobucci said...

HAHAHAHHAHAH thanks for the comedy. Nice drawing!

RedRooster said...

Carefull what you ask for..... Never underestimate the Rooster;)

Process Junkie said...

The Red Rooster™ has spoken!
enough said!

ThanksMarco, nice work, btw.

Melminda said...

i just dig your talent... your mind, can I say that? because it's true.

PS: I don't care what they say. I believe your candle is burning.
;)

Process Junkie said...

Melminda:Good thing you love me for my mind. What a coincidence, that's what my wife said the first time she saw my candle ;)

Thanks for commenting here and on the MS profile page, it's always nice to hear from you.

Léo Teixeira: Muito obrigado! Seu blog está muito bom, parabéns!


Grande abraço!
-Albertinho

one said...

LMAO

don't worry, if i ever e-mail you, i'll use something like, "-G.D. finally bares it all!!"

btw, what does 'one' have to do to get a thank-you note like that? i'm a little jealous ;-)

Process Junkie said...

One: Nothing to be jealous about my dear friend and mentor, just stop by my studio and take your clothes off. . .or. . .send a few photographs my way, I'd be more than happy to accommodate your wishes.

Also, I've been meaning to send you a few books as a token of my adorat...I mean my afection, so when you decide to email me your pic(s) include your mailing address.

Your friendly stalker,
-A

Cheeks said...

i have found you, sensei

Alina Chau said...

Coool design in that drawing!

Process Junkie said...

Cheeks: Your search is over, grasshopper!
manhugs!


Alina Chau:
No, You are coool!
tooo coool for schoool,
now, don't be a foool
and wipe that droool,
reset the toool,
stay out of the poool,
Shhh..here comes Abdul
eating Raooul,
so don't be cruel
rewind the spoool
is that your stoool?
I think you rule!

Damn!,
I ran out of fuel!
Good night.


-A

Charles said...

Very funny post, bro. This never will be a family-friendly blog, will it?? ;P Been pretty busy but i'm looking to catch up with you very soon.

P.S.- looking thru your latest book has been inspiring!!

Brian Evinou said...

Hey Alberto, I got to meet you at the Toronto comic con in early august. Your stuff is excellent sir. Looking forward to seeing you at future conventions

Dave David said...

I haven't stopped by in awhile,Nice!! drawing.

Process Junkie said...

Hey, Chuck Have a good one!!
Merry Xmas, my friend!
I syopped by my old 'Alma Matter" yesterday and it seems everyone who left is back, including Lou, Inna and a bunch of lesser known players. Pretty funny, it seemed like I stepped into a time warp-mega-black-hole,, creepy!!! You and Glen were the only ones missing.

Brian: You'll see me in Toronto more often, at least 4 times a year until I move up there for good. Happy Xmas!

Dave: Salud!
Never stop drawing, man!
Reading might be fundamental but drawing is essential! :) Merry Happy to you!

maximusdoom said...

Champ! You got wikit skills. I found your blog by accident and it was worth it all. Curious: do you start with a certain body part like eyes or something? Great work...I am deeply impressed! You dotted the i in pimp!

Process Junkie said...

I couldn't have done it without the help of my bitches, there's no "I" in pimp, well, actually there is, but that's besides the point

-A

Arly Jones said...

Felicidades Alberto
Tu estilo es muy personal eso ya es mucho, demasiado para el actual panorama.
Estaba por ahí echando un vistazo a blogs y hoy es el único espacio en el que me voy a detener y comentar.
Hay suficiente aqui para descontaminarse del ruido que inunda la red.

Animo.
Arly Jones.

FrogDaddy said...

hey dr....
how's tricks?
could use a new post soon....
I've been holding out so long
I've been sleeping all alone
Lord I miss you
I've been hanging on the phone
I've been sleeping all alone
I want to kiss you...
ooh oooooh ooooooh...
ooh oooooh ooooooh...
ooh ooh ooh ooh

Bentos said...

Some of the gobbledegook spam I get in my junk mail has a kind of beautiful, double-dutch poetry to it. I wish I'd written it all down before i'd binned it.

My favourite from back in the day when they still used proper sentences was 'Sexy Baby But Bad Erection' which I thought would make a great Heavy Metal band. I once spent all day singing their Darkness/Spinal Tap style signature tune to myself.

Got some funny looks on the tube.

Love your Blog, wish I was good enough to bother sending something for your book. Will defo be buying it though.

BABAZION said...

@bobby, funny stuff... wouldnt wish this shit on my worst enemy man.