Friday, December 15, 2006

Happy Xmas/Merry New Year

As per usual, I'm going to take a break from the blog until the first week of 2007 to enjoy the end-of-the-year celebrations with my family. All the book orders have been fulfilled and the packages are on their way to their destinations. Thank you, all for your patronage and support and have yourselves a prosperous and healthy new year.


Everyday Routine
Maximusdoom wrote: Curious, do you start with a certain body part like eyes or something?

That's a very good question; despite of what you may have heard, (or what I might have told you before, myself) I'm a very ritualistic and superstitious person, before I even start sketching I get fully naked in front of the drawing board and pray for 5 minutes to the gods of drawing. Back in the old days I used to smear Guatemalan ostrich oil all over my nipples while praying -for purification purposes- (this practice, I've been told, pleases the gods of creativity) but ostrich oil is real hard to find these days and very, very expensive, there's a place in Jackson Heights, on 111th. . . Naw, forget it! you don't want to go there at ungodly hours , just wait a couple of years, that area hasn't been gentrified just yet. So, anyways, I use a blend of turpentine and lind seed oil instead, same density and consistency, the gods couldn't possibly tell the difference, trust me.
Note: if you attempt this ritual at home, make sure you have a 'First-Aid' kit and a plastic cover for your chair at the ready, the resulting smell and the stain from the mixture of oil and human sweat are very difficult to remove from any fabric, unless the material is made by Dupont® or previously treated with Scotchguard™ (see the back of the label for cleaning instructions).

I then light 4 red and gold Mayan candles: one dedicated to Yum Cimil, one to Ixtab and 2 (bigger ones) to Ixchel (according to the "Ofrenda" book, only one is sufficient but she's my personal favorite), next, I burn 2 sandalwood incense sticks upside down, then I pour one pint of female goat's blood on the floor, carefully forming a circle around my chair and drawing the letter "A" for anarchy. Lastly, I take a freshly decapitated chicken and sprinkle some of its blood over my shoulder, this is done to scare away Ixbum, the Mayan god of 'writer's block' and procrastination.

Now I'm ready to begin sharpening my pencil!

Which I proceed to do with a special ultra sharp blade made of Cartesian jade (something I picked up in the island of Mahauia-Lau-Misisauiuah from a Shingahlian medicine man) I shave the pencil with long deliberate strokes in a counter-clock wise motion, precisely 12 centimeters from the tip of the lead.

At this point I take a break and serve myself a cold Corona with lime and salt (this is not part of the original ritual, I just like Coronas)

After finishing my drink I'm finally in the proper frame of mind to create. I start every drawing by rubbing my genitals all over the blank page (for fun) I know what you're thinking; "Alberto is obsessed with his own genitals" puuhleeez! tell me something I don't know, as I was saying, now, closing my eyes, I lift my extremely sharp pencil way up in the air and slam it violently against the drawing pad, Voilá!

I'd start the drawing wherever the point of my pencil lands and makes a mark. Sometimes I end up stabbing my inner thighs or my reproductive organs (this is where the 'First-Aid' kit comes in handy) but what's a little blood when our aim is of a much higher and sublime nature?, goats and chickens fare worst fates and they're not complaining, right? Besides, pain and suffering are both integral parts of the creative process; Grandma Ruiz, who was a great artist in her own right, poked her own left eyeball right out of the socket one day, while performing this very same ritual, she used to say: "No pain no gain, the rain in Spain, falls mainly on the plane". Poor Grandma, she lost it completely towards the end but I knew what she meant .....I think.

If the pencil lands on the top right, I start by drawing her left eye, if it lands on the bottom left I start by drawing her right foot and so on and so forth, if the pencil happens to fall dead center, I get confused and I repeat the entire ritual all over again.

Well, I do hope that explanation sheds some light upon my daily routine.

Ixchel, I love you.


Dr 4est said...

Oh man, I'm supposed to rub the oil on my NIPPLES??!?!
THAT'S what I've been doing wrong all this time. I always thought I was supposed to rub that in a little, well, lower down. No wonder my creative urges would only last 2-5 minutes.
Thanks for clearing that up my friend! Have a great Christmas!



you are....nuts? lol!

happy festivus one and all!

Process Junkie said...

Merry Xmas to you, both!

Mike Feeney said...

HaHaHa...finally I have the secret ritual..look out 2007, I'm now armed and dangerous ;)
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Process Junkie said...

Easy on the oil, buddy!

Merry Xmas to you as well, say hello to the family for me.


MBKKR said...

Hahaha... you are hilarious man.

But eehh, just jerking off does
that work too?

Great holliday's / Xmas / New Year

manucha said...

You make my indigenous, wannabe rituals seem like a joke out of a recipe book. I’m going to seriously complain with my Mayan Grandmother, she's been holding back on me! I think I must consider taking notes from Dr.Cyberfunken after all!! Such hilarious visuals, stimulating my neurons so early in the morning!!

Well, my dear friend you struggled, survived and still continued to dilate our pupils by providing us with feminine beauty. May next year bring you and your treasured beauties better health, more humor and plenty of prosperity in sharing more creativity with us.

Mucho Amor, Aprecio y Amistad,


i will never look at your work the same way again. thanks for sharing! happy holidays to you and yours bro!

Process Junkie said...

MBKKR: Please don't make a mockery out of my religious beliefs. How would you like it if I'd made fun of Satan?

Happy Holidays to you too, and please shave those hairy palms!

Manucha: I thought your ancestors were Toltecs or Aztecs, how d'you figure you're of Mayan blood? I don't get it.

BTW, I hope you're doing well, health-wise, all the best to you in the new year! Thanks for your support.

ONESICKINDIVIDUAL: You can look at it just the same, as long as you don't smell it up close.

HAPPY HO'S to you too, Erwin!

The Original Dangster said...

Dang bro, I heard from my hookup at the North pole that you crept ahead of me on the "Naughty List"..Man you must've done some seriously jakked up shit to jump ahead of yours truly!

Oh and we are going to be in the NYC area on January 7th till the 12th, so maybe we can go get drunk and have a blast ( They got midget hookers in NYC?)

Till then my man, enjoy your coal, your eggnog and maybe I'll see you in da 0-Seven!


Process Junkie said...

Sounds great! call me when you're in NYC, my number is: 555-EAT-ME, nah! I kid. Email me; and we'll get it together.

Enjoy the Holidays, Dangster! get drunk and get stupid, oh, wait, you're already stupid. Just get drunk.

BTW: Hey, buddy! the only lump of coal is the one inside my pants!

Oscar Grillo said...

Lines on paper.


merry xmas man!

love your works dude....such a hotties you draw!!!

i wish they were true!!!
he he he he
(let´s ask santa...)

( º3º)

Process Junkie said...

Nothing but lines on paper.
Feliz Navidad, Cereal Killer!!
Feliz Navidad, Señor Grillo!!


Kei Acedera said...

So that's the secret to your talent! Hahaha... you're too funny Alberto!! Merry Christmas!

Process Junkie said...

Merry Xmas, Kei.


George Cwirko-Godycki said...

that was really funny. I think you are a genius, I love your drawings always, but that was so much fun to read i had to respond

Lisi said...

best blog entry I have EVER read

Woka said...

Hey Alberto! que tal! Hay que decirlo... un ritual "singular" jajaja. Vamos a probarlo. Muchisimos saludos compadre en estas fechas, cuidese mucho y no se muera nunca!.
Un abrazo


one said...

amor, paz y felicidad!

IrisOn said...

your art drives me crazy man, the style is so fresh, im buying more art from you the next time we meet, thanks for the inspiration

John Beatty said...

Here's to 2006 and upcoming 2007, Bro! :)

We had some 'good times' and I'll be around a bit in 2007 but not as much as '06!

Hopefully I'll see you somewhere, sometime...

...thanks for everything, friend!

-John "BigGuy" B.

malaño said...

este es un nuevo blg de ilustraciones, collage y bocetos.
visitalo y deja un comentario, si te de ganas

FrogDaddy said...

Happy New Year Alberto!
'07 is your year, man.
You've got that "team of Destiny" look...
part Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger"/part Eric Carmen's "Hungry Eyes"'re ready man...
now grab 'em by the cockles and squeeze till they choke on their own blood man!

Process Junkie said...

+John Beatty +: Hey, BigGuy!! nice to hear from you, I hope things are going well with you, were you in NYC? you never told me. Anyways if you make it to the Orlando show, let's get together and drink something bitter and cold. Happy New Year , my friend!!

George Cwirko-Godycki: I ain't no genius, trust me! But thanks for the compliment.

Woka: Un abrazo a la distancia, si los dioses lo permiten estaré por Chile en el 007.

Feliz Año Nuevo a todos los Chilenos que nos escuchan a traves de este blog de mierda: Betty, Norma, Silvia, espero que se porten bien.

Lisi, One, Irison: Thank you, ladies!!
Amor, Paz y tragos!


Malaño: Buon laburo.
Suerte en el 007, cambiate el nombre a Buenaño :)

FrogDaddyO: Gracias, Ranapadre!
You are so right!! I've been told we're "Big in Japan" that must mean something.

I have something real big to show you all, in 007, and it has nothing to do with my genitals. . . (unfortunately)

We'll see.


LauraBraga said...

Hi Lucio!!
great blog...and great sketch!!

keep up the good work...and happy new year!!


kiko said...

muy feliz año nuevo para vos y los tuyos, te mando un abrazo y deseo que sigas por mucho tiempo, las curvas que tanto nos gustan tomar con velocidad, pero sin perder de vista el panorama.

Process Junkie said...

LauraBraga: Thank you and Happy New Year to you as well.

Kiko: Lo mismo te deseo yo, que disfrutes en union de los tuyos y que el 2007 sea un año lleno de amor y buena fortuna. Gracias por ser siempre tan amable.

John Beatty said...


No...that NYC trip didn't happen...I didn't think it would...but it was a fun few months! ;)

I will be going over to the Philippines in February to meet a girl I've been chatting with for over 4 months now...

I'll have to give you the DL on that sometime...



Mark Behm said...

Made it through another year doing what you love. Can't beat it. Congrats.

jumpman said...

Hey Alberto,

It's been ages since I've made my way to your site (--I now have triplets!!--), but I just wanted to say thanks for a number of things:

Firstly, for the book I bought and the illustration you sent with it.

Secondly, for rekindling my love for art and design --and for saying (apolgies for the swearing) "eat my fuck" to those who would put you in a box with a candy-coloured label and a shiny 'employee of the month' certificate.

And thirdly (apt considering the topic of this blog entry), for reminding me that the only drawing that matters is that which you do every day (ie. practise, draw, practise, draw some more). I'm now drawing every day as I travel between the hospital (where my kids are) and work and home. Better, I've chosen not to 'judge' my work until I've been drawing every day for a year.

Anyway, my life's about to get turned upside down (some more!) so much love and prayers to you and your own family.

Muchas gracias, mi amigo.



jimmynock said...

Great designs and draftsmanship! Your stuff is awesome.

UrbanBarbarian said...

Beautiful shapes and execution! All the reasons I love you!


hey dr. cyberfunken!

this is why i love this blog:

nipples !

( especially the ones you draw alberto)

urges !

nuts ! ( my nuts )

jerking off !

hairy palms ! ( you )

midget hookers ! ( the dangster )

to frogdaddy's:
hungry tiger, hidden "brown" eye !

cockles ! ( froggy again )

and to top it all off!...

jumpman's :

--- eat - my - fuck ! ---

damn, you are guyz are funny!

:) thanx i needed that

here's to more insane humor and to no compliations with anyone's families!

happy new year everyone!!!!!!!!!

dibujador said...

me encantan tus dibujos. Me encantan esas minas.

Process Junkie said...

Back from a long absence, I hope all of you are having a good year so far. I've been pretty busy getting a couple of projects off the ground as well as enjoying the long festivities.

Thank you for your comments and greetings, much appreciated as always.

John Beatty: Sorry that the NYC thing didn't work out, at least you have a plan B :), ca't wait to hear the story.

Mark Behm True, it wasn't easy but definitely worth it! Thanks for being a part of it.

jumpman: CONGRATULATIONS! Triplets?!!
Wow! You do have your hands full, much love to you and your 'super-extended' family :)
One drawing at a time, one page at time, one book at a time! That's how it goes.

All the best, my friend.

Jimmy Knock, Urban Barbarian Comikxguy: Thank you, ladies! happy New year to you!

Dibujador:Hey, Gracias por pasar por aquí y por los comentarios, que tengas un feliz y próspero 2007.

Stef said...

Feliz Navidad, Señor Ruiz! x

St John Street said...

Happy new year and all the best !!!

Woka said...

"El pueblo tiene hambre, danos... dibujos!!!" jajaja, Que tal Alberto!! Ha pasado mucho tiempo desde que escribí. Espero estés espectacular y que hayas tenido unas muy buenas fiestas (ojala que hayan derivado a unas muy buenas vacaciones) y nada pues!! como ves, seguimos paseando de vez en cuando por aqui, a ver si nos sorprendes con una que otra elegante línea.
Un fuerte abrazo compadre, si se pasea por Chile, aqui lo estaremos esperando con los brazos abiertos.
Muchos saludos!!

Rosie said...

Hey there! Just wanted to say I love your stuff! I found your blog when I visited Imaginism's DA gallery. Great style, and your women are just gorgeous! <3


hey alberto!

what's shakin' bacon?

just to let you know (and i know he might see this, oh well)

but uranbarbarella (dan) chickened out on doing a crayon sketch (yup,crayon!) of your and bobby's mayan samurai vs. chun li, he thought that he couldn't capture the skillz you guyz did

what do you think of that?

how about showing him how its done, huh?

maybe you can get bobby to color it too?


cidin said...

my name is alcides junior
i'm brazilian
very nice your work
god bless you

alcides junior

Sandra Khoo said...

Ock! I'm a badddd person!
Happy Belated New Years,Alberto! Your works are brilliant as always! :) Hope you had a great time with your family and all the best and more fun and happiness for the years to come. ;)

grz said...

your stuff is crazy!
shit,someone who has a personal style,this is very unusual in the 21 century!!!
congratulation man,you rule

insanitay said...

Hey Alberto!!!

Long time no talk....I understand that you will be at the New York Con in 2 wks and will be seated next to one of my friends Bobby!!! Well, I'm coming and I look forward to meeting you.....Finally!!


FrogDaddy said...

dude- switch to beta already and post something! happy valentines day 'berto-
Every day's the 14th!

Bonaia said...

if i pray longer does the drawing get better? i wasn't clear on that part.

Rob Bodnar said...

Is the process any different if you were to do sculptures?

Virgy said...

hehehe Im very late here hehehe I love your writing made me feel happy. Pues q mas cosas buenas este year,ya viviendo un poco cerca a ver si estrecho yo esa mano :D


yay! i'm post # 50!

just means you been gone too long

hope your having an awesome time at the cons alberto

i might be going to wizworld

hope to hear from you soon




yeah that sound like the process to me.

I was getting tired of looking at that same post every couple of days.. I wouldn't worry about, mistreating the blog too much. Even if you think she has been treated like an "ugly girlfriend" that is alright. Just remember, it's your blog. So its your ugly girlfriend....and she loves you anywho.....

wonderful work as always.
It was good to see you at the


Maximus Doom said...

You're right!!!! Guatemalan ostrich oil really works; but the trick is to do it all standing on your head. You will find that this naked position allows for your maximum genital fasciantion also. But your grandmother said the Mayan candles were just roman candles from Walmart. I suppose there is light at the end of the penis.